Post Separation Abuse: Stalking 

By Lee Eifflaender

Breaking free from an abusive relationship is a monumental step for any victim. However, for many survivors, escaping an abusive relationship does not mark the end of their suffering and will lead them to face relentless and insidious, post-separation abuse. Post-separation abuse is a pattern of behaviour where the abuser continues to inflict harm and exert control. It occurs when an abuser chooses to continue to harass, manipulate or harm their former partner, which is often done in an attempt to regain control and instill fear, making it challenging for survivors to fully escape the trauma.  

Sadly, this terrifying new chapter can result in many becoming the victims of stalking in which they have their movements monitored, ex-partner turning up uninvited at home, work or in public, breaching orders or agreements, questioning friends/families about the victim where they are and what they are doing, threats and intimidation.   

Post-separation stalking is a coercive tactic used by abusers to maintain dominance and control over their victims. It can take many forms, including in-person surveillance, cyberstalking, tracking devices, and even using others to monitor or threaten the survivor. Victims are often left feeling trapped, unable to live freely or without fear of being watched and they statistics surrounding post-separation stalking in the UK revealed the dangerous reality that many survivors face: 

  • 92% of those that had left an abusive relationship said that the abuse intensified following their separation. 
  • 67% said they had been subjected to more than 5 years of ongoing post-separation abuse. 

The ongoing fear and stress caused by post-separation stalking have devastating effects on survivors’ mental health, leading many to experience severe anxiety, depression, and PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) because of the continuous harassment and threats. 

Tragically, in today’s digital world, technology has made post-separation stalking even more prevalent, with abusers now frequently using spyware, GPS tracking, hacking accounts, and smart home devices to continue their control. As of April 2023, Post-Separation Abuse became a recognised offence under the Serious Crime Act of 2015, however, the need for stronger laws, improved police response, and enhanced survivor protection is needed as many survivors report that legal measures, such as restraining orders, offer them little protection. Many victims and experts feel that this type of abuse is misunderstood, ignored or dismissed and those working within the family courts system believe that poor recognition of post-separation abuse can lead to the courts unwittingly permitting or facilitating ongoing abuse and control, particularly through child contact arrangements. 

For too many survivors, post-separation stalking prevents them from being able to move forward with their lives as they are forced to remain trapped in fear, unable to reclaim their independence. Unfortunately, the responsibility usually falls on the victim to protect themselves from post-separation abuse but raising awareness and advocating for stronger protections is crucial in helping to break this cycle of control and terror. No survivor should be left to fend for themselves while their abuser continues to torment them.  

What to Do If You’re Experiencing Post-Separation Abuse: 

  • Document Everything 
  • Seek Legal Protection 
  • Enhance Your Safety Plan 
  • Utilise Support Networks 

How to Support Someone Dealing with Post-Separation Abuse 

  • Listen Without Judgment 
  • Encourage Professional Help 
  • Respect Their Autonomy 
  • Offer Practical Support 

Helplines:  

  • The Freephone National Domestic Abuse Helpline, run by Refuge on 0808 2000 247 
  • Victim Support – 24-hour Support line on 08 08 16 89 111 or start a live chat any time 
  • Respect – the helpline for male victims of domestic abuse – Freephone 0808 8010327 
  • Mankind Initiative – confidential helpline on 01823 334244 open Monday – Friday 10am to 4pm 
  • Galop helpline for LGBTQ+ people experiencing any kind of abuse or violence – 0800 999 5428 
  • Karma Nirvana for honour based abuse – UK Helpline: 0800 5999 247